Father’s Day has always been interesting for me.  My first child, Keira, was supposed to be born in early July 2008.  She was born Friday, June 20th!  Even though she was severely jaundice our doctor let us take her home that Sunday…Father’s Day.  As far as I’m concerned there is no better gift for Father’s Day other than being able to bring home your first child.

I needed to lead with that short story because my kids have done everything in their power to ensure father’s day is not about me, but about them trying to see how far they can push me before I lose it.

It’s also important that you understand that I have an awesome relationship with my kids.  It’s one filled with FUN at the center of everything we do.  All kids need discipline and I certainly provide that, but most days I’m more likely to laugh at them over getting upset.  We do fun things together all the time.  My family is the most important thing in my life.  Everything contained within this post was discussed with them and they (and Mom) approved sharing it with you.  There’s a pretty cool lesson at the end so I hope you get there because you’ll learn an awful lot about me.

This year all three of my kids, Keira-8, Charlotte-6 and Tyler-3 made me cards.  Keira is the only one that knows how to write and spell really well, so it’s obvious when you look at their cards that Keira wrote mostly everything. Regardless of that, these hand-made cards will go down in my life’s history as some of the funniest, honest and awesome cards I’ve ever gotten.

Let’s start with Charlotte, my 6-year-old:

The front is all Charlotte’s hand writing!  At first glance I thought it said, “Happy Fat hers Dad.”  But it clearly says “Happy Fathers Day.”

I LOVE how she ran out of space for her name and just added the “e” under the “t.”

You may also be questioning the strange black symbol between the heart and “C” in Charlotte’s name.  I asked Charlotte what that was and she said, as if I should know, “oh….that’s a spacer dad.”  Gotcha!  ****Must remember…never question Charlotte.****

Now the back:

I was able to confirm from Charlotte that those pictures on the top are (from left to right:  A cat, wombat head, Charlotte, and me!)

Uh…she gave me THREE hairs!  I’m very much a realist, so I don’t hide the fact I’m losing my hair….however, it’s BRUTAL to see that my daughter has given me just THREE hairs.  Don’t worry…the honesty gets worse.

This next card was from my 3-year-old son Tyler.

While Tyler isn’t capable of writing letters that well, he is VERY capable of drawing.  He drew BARBIE for me.  WHY?

I asked him if he knew that was Barbie and he said (very enthusiastically) “YEAH!”  I asked if he liked Barbie, and again he said “YEAH!”   I then asked if he thought I liked Barbie (you know, because it’s a card for me…not him).  It took him less than half-a-second to say “YEAH!”  Wow.  I mean, Barbie is pretty hot and all, but there are a few things wrong with this.  One…I had no idea my 3-year-old son knew who Barbie was.  This made it very obvious that he’s very aware of her presence.  Plus, he thinks I dig her too.  Barbie also doesn’t have any hands!  Tell me that’s not a little creepy.

I don’t want to ignore the brown animal on the left.  I had to ask him what it was.  Again, he said in a way that made me feel like I should have known….”it’s a brown dog!”  I didn’t even want to bring up the fact that it lacks ears.  The boy has a thing for Barbie.  I need to be careful now.  He’s 3!

Then there’s the back of his card:

His sister, Keira wrote the poem, and I’m positive he had NOTHING to do with it.  It says, “Roses are red vilots are blue I love cars and you!”

Yeah…he does love cars.

And BARBIE!  If Tyler wrote this poem it would say, Roses are outside, Barbie is hot, I like baseball and cars A LOT!  Now that would be the perfect Tyler poem.

Last, but not least was the card my 8-year-old, Keira, made for me.  We had all been laughing so hard at everything at this point I should have known there would be more to come.

Ok…so this one needs some explaining to point out the issues.  That’s my wife, son and both girls with our dog on the left.  The problem with my son is that his eyes are brown….NOT blue.  Also…our dog, a golden retriever named Gibbs is NOT fat…or chubby.  Keira clearly drew him into a fat dog.  Poor guy.  But after reviewing the entire picture, I am the victim in this one.

Yeah, that’s me on the right.  Uh…I have TWO strands of hair…and it’s a combover!  This is how my oldest daughter sees me.

Now let’s chat about my outfit / body.  Also…I’m chubby and not only is my left arm shorter than my right…I don’t have hands!  What is it with my kids not drawing hands on me?  That’s creepy!   Then there’s my legs.  I DON’T HAVE ANKLES!  What is that?

As I’m going through all this with her everyone is cracking up because we’re having a great laugh at what’s happening.  (Not to mention we’re eating ice cream at a vicious, unhealthy pace.)  To say we were all having a great time is putting it lightly.

It’s important you understand that I’m not complaining at the content of these pictures at all.  I’m a lot of things, but insecure and jealous are NOT part of those things I am.  If you can’t laugh at yourself you’re missing out on the best jokes you’ve ever heard!  Life is so much better and more fun to see things through your children’s eyes.  The constant message through all of their hand made cards is that I make them happy, they love me and my son loves Barbie!  Plus…I’m bald.  I knew that last one though.  It’s not worth getting upset over though.  I can’t control it…and if I had the money I’d have hair like a horse.  LOL!

But Keira reminded me to read the back of her card.  That’s when I noticed I may have unintentionally given my daughter the wrong message as to how I feel about the family.

HERE WE GO:

The poem reads, “Roses are red vilots are blue the world would be dead without you!”

Ummmmm….wow!  While I do think I add some value and light-heartedness to an otherwise stuffy world, I do NOT think my death would cause the world to end.

The worst part of this whole experience is the next line.

“You spend all day working your butt of for us.”  (She meant to say “working your butt OFF for us.)

I MAY have said that a few times to my wife and apparently my kids heard it.  And I’m sure it’s not something she’s only heard once.

I share this embarrassing moment with you because you can learn a lot about life by paying attention to the way your kids express themselves in drawings or stories.  Child psychologists use these methods to get an idea of a child’s state of mind.  Pictures and stories from your children are windows into their hearts.  I’m not ashamed of what my kids shared…however I am slightly bothered that my daughter has heard me say something that requires context to understand.  The fact that I feel the need to say this to anyone within earshot of my children is something I need to work on.

I learned this lesson when Charlotte was only 2 and we were all leaving the park after a day of playing there. I had just finished buckling her into her car seat and as we started moving she said (as clear as day) “Damnit!”

Again…something I USED to say when I couldn’t get comfortable when my back would be hurting so bad.  I didn’t think they could hear it, but I obviously did it louder and much more frequently than I THOUGHT.

So…be careful what you say around your kids.  Their minds work much more differently than ours.  They have sponges that soak up everything.  They are also masters at copying behavior.  If you have bad habits they will quickly become their bad habits, and if you don’t care about it that makes you in desperate need of help.  Being a parent isn’t easy!  It’s the hardest thing in the world you will ever do.  If you know you’re doing something wrong, get some help.

The best advice I can ever give is this:  LOVE YOUR KIDS and SPEND TIME WITH THEM!!!!!!!!  Have fun with them; let them see you being silly.  Being a grown up isn’t all about being serious all the time. If that’s what you think I would hate to hang out with you.  Plus…it must hurt when you go to the bathroom!  (Sorry, that was an adult joke.)

I love each one of my little ones so much.  Even though they make father’s day more about pushing my buttons than anything, I still love them.

I hope you learned a little more about me and my family AND that you or your man had a great Father’s Day!

ENJOY!